


Bliss in a Sea of Despair

by BelovedFool



Category: Farseer Trilogy - Robin Hobb
Genre: Anal Sex, Assassin's Quest, Classy Though, Comfort, Declarations Of Love, First Time, Fluff, Love, NSFW, Other, PWP, Sex, Tender Lovemaking, The Classiest Sex, just a whole lotta love, kind of?, reciprocated love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 06:21:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9980174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelovedFool/pseuds/BelovedFool
Summary: Fitz has recently recovered from his injury in the Mountains, but his bleak mood over Verity's fate has left him less than an easy guest. The Fool seeks to offer him solace, and quite without plan declares his love to him. Fitz finally understands.Please read and review!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to A_Fool_in_Love, who reminded me that dialogue is a thing and I could use it to help get past Writer's Block.
> 
> Thank you to Marta Montell, whose art I stared at every time I had trouble with words, and who produced my favourite picture, which quickly became the basis for the story.

     Between the meetings with Chade, Starling, and Kettricken, I found I had no desire to pass the little free time I had by any means I would have normally found enjoyable. Even the pull of hunting with Nighteyes was weakened, and my wolf gave up after several unsuccessful attempts at enticing me to come out with him. I did not relish the walks though the garden I had so enjoyed during my first visit to the Mountain Kingdom, nor did I have any desire to seek conversation with those who inhabited the nearby houses. This left me brooding in the Fool’s house, only sober because he denied me any access to alcohol, feeling that it would not combine well with my Skilling troubles and healing injuries. I expressed my bitterness over this, but the Fool was adamant.

     I could not long fault my friend, however. He did his best to cheer me, telling me stories of those he had met in the time we had been separated, and even recalling several of our own past adventures. When he was called on, he considerately met his guests outside; he knew I was not sociable on the best of days. I felt that he viewed the entire situation with a strange optimism, and I knew that my temperament would long ago have turned any other friend against me.

     “Why is it,” I asked him, speaking of my own volition for the first time in days, “that through all the troubles I have given you, you have remained nothing but kind towards me?”

     He looked up, his head having been bent over a puppet as he carved by the fire. He did not answer immediately, but I could tell he had no need to consider his response. “I am kind to you because I care for you regardless of your disposition towards me.”

     This statement only made me acutely aware of the fact that I had rarely, if ever, repaid his friendship in kind. “But why?” I repeated. “I cannot be easy to care for.”

     He smiled knowingly, returning his attentions to his work and shaking his head. “You are not an easy man to love,” he admitted, “but I have ever welcomed a challenge.”

     I was silent for a moment at that, but all I could think to ask was: “But _why?_ ”

     He frowned. I rarely confused him, but he set his work aside now to fully face me. “Why what?”

     “Why is it my love you have chosen as your challenge?” I pressed, though this did not seem quite the correct query.

     He laughed, and his nose wrinkled in his amusement. “Fitzy Fitz, you are as dense as you always have been. I did not choose to love you; I simply wish to maintain that love that has been given me, no matter how difficult it might be.”

     I snorted, looking away from him. “It would be better for you if you abandoned the effort,” I grumbled. I felt as though he had slighted me, and it had not improved my mood. “I seem to bring only misery to anyone who dares to approach me.”

     Though I could not see him, I felt the levity leave the Fool. A few breaths passed before he stood to sit beside me on the edge of his bed, setting a hand on my arm. “I would never abandon you,” he said with more conviction than I expected. “Nor would I dare to consider that your influence is anything but positive. Fitz, you are supposed to change the world for the better, and I know you have already improved at least one person within it.” His gentle tone took away the sting of his mockery from before, and my shoulders slumped as my anger left me.

     “I am so tired, Fool,” I sighed. I would have believed myself to sound plaintive to anyone else, but the words that passed between him and me had always been held in a different light.

     “I know you are, Fitz,” he whispered, laying his brow briefly against my shoulder in a show of comfort. “I wish you could rest—truly, I wish we all could—but there is so much that still must come to pass…”

     “To Eda with it,” I cursed, shifting away from him so I could look him in the eye. “Why is the pursuit of happiness forbidden?”

     “It isn’t,” the Fool said, biting at his bottom lip in worry, a childhood habit that he had never broken. “It simply must be delayed for a while. When the Path of Destiny is completed, then all will find their happiness, not simply the few people fortunate enough to have stumbled across it.”

     I shook my head. “You speak as though you possess the wisdom of a man five times your age. Why can the tasks of life not be completed while a man is happy? Must he be miserable to be efficient?”

     “Your question of why seems to be quite abundant today,” the Fool replied with a teasing curl to his words. “I do not know all of the answers, but I do know that some men are happy even when they have not achieved bliss.”

     I knew of no such person. “Such as whom?”

     “Such as I,” the Fool replied unflinchingly.

     I stared at him in shock. “How could you be? Do not the Raiders’ attacks and Verity’s absence grieve you?”

     He set a hand on top of mine as if to hold in my steadily rising tone. “Peace, Fitz. Of course they grieve me. But the presence of grievances in one’s life and the capacity for joy are not mutually exclusive.”

     “What joys have you found that shed any light on the dark times we face?” I asked him sceptically.

     He took a breath and studied my face. His eyes, so changed since our childhood and yet still unnervingly pale, seemed once more to bore into my soul and I looked away. It was in the midst of turning my head that his one word, barely exhaled, reached my ears.

     “You.”

     My shock overcame my discomfort and I gaped at him once more. “What?”

     “The only joy that could bring any light to a time such as this in my life is you,” he repeated. He masked it well, but I had known him long enough to recognize the slight tremor to his words. He was afraid. I could only hope I was not the one causing him fear.

     “Why?” I asked again, wincing internally with the realization of my repetition.

     “Because I love you,” the Fool replied as if it should have been obvious. His words came with less trepidation now.

     “And I you,” I replied. “Truly, you are my dearest friend. But even the blessing of a companionship such as ours cannot negate the pressing urgencies of this life we live.”

     He looked aside in dismay, his hand slipping off of mine. “You still don’t understand.”

     “I would like to,” I prompted him gently. He seemed genuinely distraught.

     He chuckled, but it was a grim sound. “No, I do not think so.”

     “I would,” I insisted, now placing my own hand on his shoulder.

     The Fool remained still as the seconds stretched, glancing at me from the corner of his eye as if afraid that the slightest movement might banish the support I had extended towards him. Then, in one fluid motion he turned and leaned towards me, even as he pulled me to him. My hand slipped off of his shoulder, but I had barely the time to register that before I felt the cool press of his lips on my own. My eyes opened wide and I pulled away, but he caught at my hand and interlaced our fingers. His strength had always surprised me, and he gripped now with a power abnormal for his small frame. “I did not think you would,” he whispered.

     “I…” My head was abuzz with emotions. On the one hand, an image of Molly so vivid rose in my mind that I felt my heart lurch at the sight. On the other, for the brief second we were connected I had felt something unlike anything I had ever experienced; it was as if that single touch had been nothing I could ever expect and everything I could ever want. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. “Fool, I—”

     “Please, Fitz,” he beseeched me. “Please understand.” When I made no reply, he leaned forward again, slowly enough this time to allow me to pull away.

     I did not. Every detail I had not remarked upon before I marked now. His lips were as soft as the skin of his hands, and there was a warmth to them only apparent after prolonged contact. He still had no scent, but I was more aware of his presence than I ever had been of anyone else’s. The smells of the hearth fire and wood chips that surrounded us both seemed the perfect supplement to what he lacked, and I became more aware of them even as I became more aware of the aura of love he was sending towards me. My eyes slid closed and I let myself be pulled closer to him. Taking this as a sign of encouragement, the Fool deepened our kiss, tilting his head and resting his palms lightly against my chest. My own arm settled around his waist and though I was fully conscious of what I was doing and what it entailed, I kissed him back with a fervour I had not known was inside me.

     A soft noise issued from the Fool’s throat as he brought one hand to the back of my neck. Ever cold, his fingers sent a shiver through me, but by then my longing for him that had lain dormant for years without my knowing was so strong that the chill did not slow me. I parted my lips to run my tongue lightly over his bottom lip.

     The Fool yielded to me completely, his own lips parting and his tongue falling back to accept mine as I explored his mouth. He was not nearly as tasteless as he was scentless: in fact, he was tinged with a delicate sweetness that put me in mind of a summer’s day in the Women’s Gardens at Buckkeep. I was careful and conscious in my exploration, and yet every new discovery I made only increased my desire for more. What had once been unthinkable between us became now an end to strive for, a hope that he could trust me enough to allow this to go on.  

     He pulled away for a moment, short of breath, but the elation I saw in his eyes as he looked up at me through his lashes was none I had ever before seen grace his features. Even as he regained his wind a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Fitz…” he whispered. His hand moved from my chest to gently cup my jaw and his thumb lightly stroked over my cheekbone. He appeared dazed, and I could not recall a time in my life where anything had given me such occasion for happiness as the pure delight he now exuded. I smiled softly and it was I who moved forward this time to kiss him, wanting again to taste the sweetness that I could no longer associate with anything but him.

     The press of the Fool’s tongue against mine sent a fire crawling along all of my limbs, and my next motion pulled him across my legs and into my lap. The arm with which I supported him ran along his spine as I cupped the back of his head, my fingers buried in his hair, while my other hand found its way to my hip and kept him close to me. His free hand danced across my back, his nimble fingers tracing intricate patterns even through the layer of cloth that separated them from my bare skin. A frisson moved through me and I bit down gently on his lip, my passion mounting with each passing second.

     “Fool.” I pulled away then, because I knew if I allowed myself to continue I would never be able to get the words out, so drunk would I be on him. “I…I think I understand. Truly.” And I did. I understood the depth of the love he felt for me, even if I did not understand why or for how long he felt it. As the words were breathed out between us I realized that he had never once changed his actions towards me. Always he had acted the way I had known him. Did that mean… “How long?” I whispered.

     He smiled, his eyes shining. “As long as you can remember.” After the sounds of the fire crackling and our lips moving together, his voice sounded even sweeter than I imagined, as if I had noticed something about it only audible to me after my revelation. It was impossible not to return his smile, and tightened my grip on his hip as I leaned forward to press an open-mouthed kiss to his throat.

     The Fool’s answering gasp caused a tug in my lower stomach, and he clutched me to him more forcefully. His hand moved from my cheek into my hair and clenched ever so slightly, causing a light pull. Encouraged by this, I moved my kisses farther up his neck, eventually settling in just below the hinge of his jaw to nip at the skin. He pushed himself closer to me and tipped his head back to grant me better access. I took the opportunity, latching on and sucking lightly enough to not leave a mark, but still enough to send a shiver through him.

     “Fitz,” the Fool breathed, and the way my name fell from his lips was enough to give me pause. I had heard priests speak of their gods with less reverence than that. I flicked my eyes up to meet his and he smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He kissed me once, lightly, before turning my head with a forefinger and pressing his own kisses to my jaw. He was more careful than I was, his lips leaving a gentle trail of flame down my neck as he progressed, and flicking his tongue occasionally against the skin, as if to soothe away the fire he was leaving. I closed my eyes in bliss, a quiet hum of content leaving me.

     When he had worked his way back up and kissed the corner of my lips, I took his shoulders to distance us gently, meeting his eyes as I turned to lay him down. I went slowly, giving him the chance to resist much the same way he had done for me, but there was nothing but wonder in his eyes as he looked back up at me. I traced a smooth line over his cheekbone and smiled. “You’re beautiful,” I told him, speaking the words even as the realization came to me. Or, perhaps I had noticed before and had never known that I had done so.

     A momentary look of alarm passed over his face, and I wondered if I had said something wrong. “Fitz…Molly. We shouldn’t.” The words obviously pained him, and he was looking at me with such a tenuous expression that I felt my heart clench.

     His words immobilized me. Once more, I thought of Molly and the child she carried. I thought of the vehemence with which I had fought for us, even to King Shrewd. And I thought of her eyes as she had turned away from me, and the Fool’s eyes as he looked at me now. I shook my head softly and leaned down to kiss him. “We should,” I murmured against his lips, hoping that would be enough for him. There was every chance that I could die on the quest we were about to undertake, and I would no longer deny to either of us the love that had been simmering for as long as it had.

     The Fool surged up to kiss me once more, a demanding hand on the back of my neck pulling me back down against him. I moved my legs from beneath his and lay beside him, propped up on one elbow as I leaned over him. With the feel of his fingers through my hair once more came my own desire to perform the same action, and my free hand focused on undoing the braid that bound his golden locks together.

     When I had finished I broke our kiss again, and the Fool laughed lightly as he looked up at me and shook his hair out. Gazing down upon him, I saw the Fool as I had always known him, and not the man who had become the White Prophet. The fine strands spread out over the pillow, creating an almost ethereal look. He reached up to trace his finger down the line of my scar, and his other thumb ran lightly over my lips as his hand cupped my cheek. “I have only ever wanted this,” he whispered to me, blinking tears once more from his golden eyes.

     In response, I chastely kissed just beneath the corner of his eye, willing no tears to fall. “I’m here,” I answered softly.

     The Fool ran his palms over my shoulders and chest, looking at me as if he had to make sure that I truly was here as I had told him. I let this go on for a few moments, and then caught his hands. I kissed his fingers, giving him a smile that reached my eyes more than my lips, and then sat up to pull my shirt off. If he needed to feel me beneath his fingertips to reassure himself of my existence, then let him feel bare flesh.

     As I lay back down beside him, the Fool looked at me with caution and rolled onto his side to face me, but seemed hesitant to touch me. At my reassuring smile, he reached forward and tentatively placed his hand over my heart. I nodded, his cool palm a welcome contrast to the fire that threatened to consume me both in and out. My hands came up to cup his cheeks and I leaned forward to kiss him once more.

     The Fool immediately sought my tongue out with his own, parting his lips and pushing past mine. A soft grunt fell from him and he shifted closer to me. I wrapped my arms around him in response and pulled him against me so our chests touched; I could feel his heartbeat, rapid and erratic. Both of his hands were on my chest now, his fingertips ghosting across the ridges of my muscle and leaving behind a trail of flame despite their coolness. He pulled away only briefly to catch his breath, dipping his head afterwards to kiss along my collarbone. His lips pushed my breaths heavily from me, but the small scrapes of his teeth were enough to incite quiet grunts. I could feel my arousal increase steadily and I ran one hand down the side of his body, the other planted firmly in his hair.

     One of the Fool’s hands came to rest on top of mine, pinning it against his hip, while the other slid down to explore the ridges of my stomach. This only increased the fire in my lower belly and sent another surge of arousal through me. He lifted his lips from my skin and I pressed my own to his almost immediately, beginning at the point below his ear where I had last left off. I progressed downward slowly, pausing to allow for gentle bites or a laving of the tongue. When I reached his collar, I tugged it aside gently to suck at the soft bit of skin in the hollow of his collarbone. He issued a high-pitched grunt, but soon placed his hands on my shoulders to gently distance me from him. I frowned in concern, wondering if I had done something wrong, but he caught my gaze and held it. Anxiety warred with trust within his eyes, and I realized why a moment later when he reached down to grab the hem of his robe and lifted his hips to slide it up to his waist. He wore trousers underneath, but his implication was clear.

     I allowed myself a short glance down to the white flesh the action had bared and then met his eyes once more. “Are you certain…?” I asked. I did not want to rush him, and I knew how private he was.

     The Fool nodded and grabbed my hands gently, guiding them to his hips so my fingers barely dipped under the fabric of his robe. He then pulled me back towards him to kiss, though this one was far tenderer than the last time our lips had met. I dragged my tongue across his lower lip and began to slide my hands up his ribcage. I was nearly poised over top of him at this point, but he shifted to be more fully beneath me.

     Letting the fabric rest just below where his ribs joined, I ran my hands over his stomach. His skin was still cool, but I could feel the warmth just beneath it. His soft moan was muffled within our kiss, and his hands came down to trace a line along my abdomen and eventually the angles of my hips. I knew at this point that the Fool must have been as aware of my arousal as I was, even as it began to settle into a dull ache. On my next pass, my hands resumed their trek up the Fool’s sides, and he lifted his arms to allow me to slide his robe off fully. I met his eyes again afterward, and I marked the tension in his shoulders.

     “Don’t be afraid,” I whispered, settling against him as I firmly tried to massage the tension out. Our bare chests pressed together, so I felt the deep breath he took.

     “I’m not afraid,” he assured me in a small voice. “Not with you.” He relaxed his shoulders under my grip and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips, which I pursued. He accepted the action, fully relaxing into the pillows again even as I propped myself up over top of him. I marked a small shiver go through him, but this I attributed to the air against his normally covered skin. Thinking to warm him, I broke our kiss and pressed my lips instead against the hollow of his throat, slowly moving down the centre of his chest. His fingers caught at my hair and he held my head against him, welcoming the attentions and silently asking for more.

     Gladly I obliged, and I felt him loosen his pressure as I flicked my tongue out over his heart. The fingers on one hand ran airily down my back while the other carded through my hair. I moved my kisses over to one side of his chest and he arched up into my mouth, gasping my name when I sucked. I pressed my tongue wetly against the sensitive skin in response and I felt him shudder beneath me. The hand on my back clenched into a fist, the Fool’s nails scraping me as it happened. This provoked a low groan from me, and the vibrations against his skin caused him to moan. His chest heaved as I left off, continuing the line of kisses down the centre of his chest. I flicked my eyes up to meet his as my lips lingered warmly over a point just above his navel. He reached for me, but his eyes closed and he tilted his head back in pleasure as I let the tip of my tongue drag up his body on my way back to his lips.

     When I kissed him again, his hands settled naturally at the back of my neck once more and he pushed his tongue against the underside of mine. I let out a low growl and pressed back harder, and he submitted to me once more. I ran the backs of my nails down his sides and he responded with a shuddering groan. He chased my lips as I broke our contact once more, but I sat up on my knees, my hands trembling as they drifted to my belt.

     The Fool sat up, his hands falling on top of mine. I looked up at him, wondering if he wanted me to stop, but he merely moved my hands out of the way to undo my belt much more deftly than I would have managed. I swallowed thickly, looking down at the crown of his head as he watched his task. He hesitated once he had slipped the leather of my belt away from the buckle, and I gently caught his wrists. He looked up at me and must have seen concern, for he said hoarsely, “I trust you.”

     I nodded. “Take your time,” I reassured him, and I took his shoulders to lay him back down, pressing a warm kiss to the base of his neck. His hands were still at my hips, and his thumbs dipped into the hem of my trousers there, rubbing the skin gently. My own hands ran down to his waist and I teased my fingers along his stomach once more before bringing them to his hips. He bit his lip, but did not stop me, so I let my hands linger there for a time so he could accustom himself to it.

     Our breath mingled as I rested my brow against his and his pale eyes searched mine. His love for me had overpowered any nervousness he had—that much was plain in his golden gaze. With a newfound resolve, the Fool slid his hands down my hips, taking with them the material of my trousers and freeing the passion that had so long been trapped. My eyes fluttered closed and I let out a satisfied sigh, leaning in to kiss him again as I kicked my trousers off the rest of the way. He kept his hands on my hips and did not touch me, though I ached for friction. My brow furrowed and I bit his lip firmly, hoping to gain some outlet for my heat that way.

     The Fool moaned and kissed me back just as hard, pressing his hips back against the mattress and in doing so causing my fingers to slip further down his skin. I knew without any further cues that this was his approval and I fully gripped his hips, then sliding my palms down his outer thighs. The skin was as smooth as the rest of his body, and I gave a gentle squeeze once I had gotten his trousers down to his knees. He fully freed himself of them, and one hand travelled up my body to the back of my neck, keeping our kiss firmly intact. When his legs settled back on the bed, he had one foot planted on either side of mine and his knees were bent.

     “Look at me,” he whispered, finally separating our lips. He must have found what he was searching for in my face, for he gave a slight nod and guided me back to the skin of his neck.

     I took the prompt immediately, working the area just behind the hinge of his jaw with lips, teeth, and tongue. Dimly, I was aware of the Fool raising his other hand to his mouth and pressing his tongue to his palm. He reached down to take me in hand and my lips fell away from him as I moaned. My breathing was heavy in his ear as he stroked me, stopping occasionally to re-coat his hand.

     Enrapt as I was in my own pleasure, I could do little more than slide my left hand under his back and gently grip his shoulder. My right arm shook as I held myself up, and it seemed as though he deliberately slowed his strokes. I laboriously leaned up to look him in the eyes, and I pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose in reassurance, causing an affectionate smile from him. He sighed gently and brought his hand up to my shoulder, lifting his hips mere inches in the same motion.

     When I entered him, I knew bliss.

     My hand clutched at the sheets and he gripped the back of my neck to pull me into a heated kiss. A long moan left him and he arched his hips up the rest of the way, pushing me in to the base as his knees came up just below my arms. My head swam with the pleasure of it all, and with the warmth travelling between our bodies. It was as though time hesitated in that moment—it did not stop but slowed, allowing us both to fully experience the joining.

     The Fool’s tongue slid across my lips in the same instant I began to rock my hips and my mouth fell open to grant him access. Almost immediately, however, he pulled away from my kiss and rested his brow against my shoulder, panting in time with my thrusts. A moan left him on each pass, and each one was longer than the last. His hand slipped from my shoulder to linger lightly over my heart once more. Our moans swelled together as I picked up speed, rubbing him against my stomach on each thrust.

     Wolfishly, I bit at the Fool’s shoulder, but this only seemed to incense him further. He scratched down my back with equal fervour while somehow managing to avoid my scar, dragging a long, low groan from me. I turned my head to leave a series of wet kisses up the side of his neck, but these were more teeth than tongue, which I belatedly ran over the marks afterwards to soothe them.

     The Fool’s other hand had not left my hair, and he had twisted several strands around his fingers, pulling with a steady but satisfying pressure. He clenched around me and rocked his hips with my thrusts, and I could feel my climax rising faster than I had anticipated. He whimpered as I sped up, but retaliated with his own kisses against my throat. I unclenched my hand from the sheets and, still supported by both knees and my other elbow, I reached down to stroke him in time with my thrusts.

     Scarcely another minute passed before the Fool’s head fell back and he released, whispering my name over and over in a steady crescendo. I guided him through, reaching my own climax as he was nearing the end of his. My fingers tightened on his shoulder, and I heard him grunt with the force of it. I did not slow until I had finished, and as I did I pressed a soft, warm kiss to his lips.

     The Fool’s eyes fluttered open and he blinked at me dazedly. I smiled and kissed the corner of his lips, slowly bringing him back to me. His fingers now travelled around my torso in wonderment, and a slow smile spread across his lips as he felt the skin there. His gaze took in my shoulders, the smooth flow of the muscle up to my neck, and traced my scar before meeting my own. He kissed me softly and I pulled out of him, allowing his legs to settle back down against the bed. They were trembling slightly, and I placed a hand on his thigh to steady them.

     “ _You’re_ beautiful,” he told me, only now seeming to respond to my words from what now seemed like ages ago. He tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed my cheek before I rolled off of him, settling on my back beside him. The Fool immediately turned towards me, resting his head on my chest and tucking his arms between us. I held him to me and was again struck by how small he was. Though we were not too far apart in height, he had a tiny frame, made even smaller by the way he curled up into me. I ducked my head to kiss the top of his briefly and closed my eyes. I could still feel his presence in and around me, and it buzzed with what can only be described as complete joy. Both of my arms wrapped around him and I carded my fingers through his hair. He seemed to relax against me at this, and he exhaled softly.

     “I love you,” I told him, sending a pleasant wave of warmth out over the aura between us. I felt him smile, and the surge of affection that exuded from him was enough response for me. As my heartbeat slowed, I allowed myself to be pulled into a deep slumber, and the Fool slept on against me.

     


End file.
